Ecology and Evolutionary Biology (EcoEvo)

Time Machine

2009-03-05T19:10:00.000-08:00

Really!? Has it been another year? I feel like the more I try to log what I have been up to the longer the time between logs/blogs get. It is not only in the virtual world, but in reality as well. I haven't spoken to anybody (besides those that are physically close to me...meaning, my husband/mom/and the people in the lab right next to me since there is a door that I can easily go through and sometimes need to since I tend to leave my keys at home) for at least since I last blogged. Seriously.

I went out for New year with my ex-lab mate. And then I haven't seen her again. Since she's been gone I have no one to share ideas with. It's a hinderance. Thanks Meli.

I did however, present in my first international conference: The International Congress of Entomology in Durban, South Africa. I spent my nights in South Beach and my days avoiding scientists in the halls. However, I can say I was trully energized after that trip. Unfortunately it was short lived.

But, I just got used to this step!

2008-04-30T19:19:00.001-07:00

After finaly feeling like I don't have to blend in with the walls as I walk down the hall, I find that it is soon time to move on to the next step. But, I barely just got used to this one. We talked about me finishing in Spring of 2009. "Isn't that next spring!", I almost yelled. "Hmmm, yes, I guess it is", he responded. Although I am very excited about the prospect of "moving on", I am deathly terrified of it. "Ah, aren't we fogetting the fact that I am still a complete idiot?" I think in my head. That's not going to be fixed in a year! Plus, I have 3 chapters to fill, an exam to take and a defense. Plus, who the hell is going to hire me?

I need to read.
I need to write.
I need to experiment.
I need to research.
I need to build.
I need to present.
I need to work.
I need to get money.
I need to remember.

But all I want to do is think of other things.

A Year After

2008-04-15T15:03:00.000-07:00

Well, last year was definately a rollercoaster. After my first year I didn't think it could get crazier, but I proved my second year that it could be much worse...much much worse. I had started this blog to remind myself of what grad school was like for me (if I ever get out) and to maybe help others not feel alone while they are going through this crazy stage in life. Most of the stuff I feel I can honestly say is shared by a lot of people also in grad school. I feel kinda sad that I haven't been able to keep in touch with this blog. However I will try to make it better.

As I was saying....my second year was CRAZY! I took on too much and really drove myself insane. I was taking Med School Physiology; finished writing my masters thesis and defended it and finally graduated with it; I was teaching; I finished my first dissertation project; I analyzed the data and wrote a pretty good rough draft; I applied to 3 fellowships; took an extra job teaching Anatomy at a different institution; volunteered; went to Australia, Guatemala, Miami, New York San Francisco and Washington DC; and almost ruined my marriage. I advise that you really not take grad school this seriously.

I am sad to say that I didn't pass my Med School Physiology class....and, I retook it this year (I am sure I did fine on it). I am happy to say that I got awarded a Fellowship in 2007-2008 so I didn't have to work this year, and I just received another Fellowship for next year. So, some of my craziness paid off.

My third year hasn't been as wild, simply because I decided to bring my priorities back. I really enjoy what I do, but I am not willing to risk everything else for it. I don't think I would be happy, and I don't think that it is the type of scientist I want to be. However I have learned a lot and I am willing to keep on learning.

Starting today I will use this blog to give more information about cool things I have have learned and about opportunities for others to apply to. I hope this website helps at least one person! At least so that you feel like certain feelings are shared and you're not alone.

Today Blows

2007-04-23T16:30:00.000-07:00

It's been two years since I started here and although I finally have made my lab my home, I still can't get comfortable with teaching. I am quick to second guess myself, even in front of my students, when I don't really have to. I haven't quite mastered the skill to stop degrading myself in front of others. I am quick to call myself stupid and to give up on my own knowledge. Why?

No clue. But I wish it could change.

Today I gave a quiz. Stayed until 2am this morning to make it great. Then, after class, some kids asked me the answers to one of the questions and they thought that I hadn't provided the right information. I was quick to agree with them and apologized over and over. And I really felt stupid and ashamed for making such a dumb mistake. I seriously was on the verge of tears and was ready to quit.

When I came back to lab, I realized that I hadn't made a mistake in what I presented, but that it would have helped them out if I had provided just a little more information on the figure. But overall the test made sense.

How can I stop blaming myself for everything? Does it ever go away? Do you ever become confident in yourself?

2007-02-08T13:26:00.000-08:00

HOLY FREAKING CRAPPY CRAP! I defend tommorrow........

Morning Lesson

2007-01-24T10:24:00.000-08:00

There are 3 types of jerks in the world:
1. The whiny - one who always complains about everything in their lives
2. The bully - sucks the energy out of the room as soon as they walk in
3. The hard of hearing - doesn't listen to what YOU have to say, but just wants to talk about themselves

Ways to deal with jerks:
1. Ignore them - eventually they will find somebody else to bug
2. Don't make eye contact (they might think you want to talk to them)
3. Back away from them (definately DO NOT greet them with a hug, they might think you are inviting them to talk to you)
4. Tell them the truth - most likely nobody has told them that what they are doing is wrong, so don't be too confrontational, but let them know that what they are doing is rude.

Quick Recap

2007-01-23T16:59:00.000-08:00

Since last year I have passed my first year exam, finished work with roaches and presented on insect respiration for the first time ever at SICB. Damn scary work and I can't believe I am still here. Fortunately things are getting better instead of always being scary.

I broke down and cried in lab during the early weeks of fall....and decided that I really needed to stop being so nervous around my advisor. So we met once a week and talked and now I can actually look at him in the face when he talks to me. I still wish I could contribute more to our talks, but I am working on that.

I started MedSchool Physiology last quarter as well, and got a horrible score on the first exam and quiz. This quarter I planned to be more prepared....but did bad on my first quiz and my second exam is in 2 weeks. I am writing on this here blog instead of reading, so I might have an inclination on how things will go then.

I've been to Miami twice.....used up lots of money and time.......and I'm planning to go back again in the summer. I want to do some frog work out there and maybe even collect some insects.......We'll see.

I tried to finish my thesis last quarter and got everyone in my committee to sign off on it, but graduate studies blocked me at the end. So this quarter i am once again enrolled in two universities and hopefully can get this out of the way. Im still waiting to set a date for my defense.

(breathe)

Plus I'm taking salsa classes.

Lesson Learned: Do not Greet Professors in the Hall Unless you Want to Feel Like an Idiot

2006-07-26T13:56:00.000-07:00

She confused me with two other people but still managed to make ME feel like an idiot.

"Oh so I am using your lab now"
"Really?" (I was confused because I hadn't seen her in there)
"Yea, well actually two of your lab mates.." (Weird....I just have one lab mate)
"Really?"
"Yea, J and M"
"Oh, that's not my lab"
"Oh that's right. I thought you were going to go to Friday Harbor this summer. What happened?"
"umm.....no, that must have been J. you were thinking of."
"Oh. So what are you doing?"
"Just staying here, running experiments on my water striders. Remember?"
"Oh yea! How is that going? Is it working out?"
"Yea...kind of. Remember that I was running the water striders to see if the water conservation hypothesis was supported when looking at discontinuous respiration.."
."..right..." (nodding)
"Well, I did see DGC in one adult, but now that I am running the nymphs they aren't responding. I have been running them with different variables, but still I have no clue. It might be the developmental stage they are at, but....."
"So, are there different instars available?"

Damn! I heard this word like 3 months ago, and I was going to look it up, but I didn't...and know here it is again. I thought it had something to do with developmental stages......but I thought maybe it only dealt with larva vs. pupae, and water striders don't go through those stages...instead they belong to the Exopterygota division of the Pterygotas, which means that they have young which resemble the parent, except they lack wings and are smaller.

"Umm.....no, well....umm....there like...I forgot the word....but the nymphs I have are just smaller than the parents...and that's what I have been running all this summer..."

Immediately I saw that look. The She-has-no-freaking-idea-what-she-is-talking-about-how-could-they-have-let-her-into-the-program look.

"Good, well good luck"

I immediately knew I had messed up. I walked away shaking my head and covering my face. God I'm such an idiot.

A month into Summer

2006-07-25T20:03:00.000-07:00

It's the first time soemone has actually entered my "office" this summer. I was very excited, but soon realized that he was very lost. I heard myself explain natural selection and evolution to him, and I saw him consistently nodding his head in agreement, but I didn't think he was getting it. It was a fake nod. So I asked him to explain it to me, and he froze. he is coming back tommorrow he said.

Today I discovered that this months work has been a bunch of crap. I have old files without some data which I recently began obtaining.....so, do I use the data that are on those files and then run another experiment exactly the same and take an average? or just start anew? The water striders aren't doing what I want them to do......is it due to their metabolism? a change in temperature? a difference in their developmental stage? short hypoxic conditions? time that the experiment was conducted? flow rate of air? the last time they ate? or am I just running it incorrectly? Arghhhhh! Everything looked so nice when I only had Jeffrey (I say N=1 should be good enough).

It's our third week meeting and it will be my third week no preparing for it. I don't know why I can't get into it! Our first year exam is only two months away and I can't focus on studying. Is there a secret? it's been so damn hot here that by the time I get into lab I feel lethargic. I've gotten other stuff done? Of course, things that really did not need to get done.....like cleaning the lab.

2006-07-19T20:29:00.000-07:00

Why is that once you start the work routine you never want to stop. Being here until 10pm actually seems like its not enough. I really just want to bring a cot and stay all night. So when I walk home and I see the rest walking home as well, it does not feel odd. But when I speak to my friends, and they actually have lives, it feels depressing.

Across the plaza I can see them working as well. At 2am, I see them walking out. What the hell do I do all day?

Todays topics:
1. The importance of metapopulation concepts to modern conservation biology.
2. Bottom-up vs. top-down communities
3. Ecological efficiency
4. Regulation of populations by intraspecific and/or interspecific competition

To be an Undergrad

2006-07-18T20:36:00.000-07:00

I think that generation Y was born with ADD, and with some genetic code for "not having a clue". Honestly, every single one of them. If it's not one abnormality is the other.

Today was the second time I told a student to pay attention and stop IM'ing/MySpace'ing/blogging/random searching on their lap top. She looked at me like she did not understand what I was saying. Completely blank eyes.

"ahh......pay attention, and stop messing around in your computer 'cuz its distracting to everyone around you"

The constant tapping of the keys! She got it then and gave me a dirty look, like I was her mom and had just told her to pull her pants up because her damn ass was hanging out and everyone behind her could see her crack.

Five minutes later this kid walks in, an hour late, walks straight to the professor (who is lecturing in the front of the class), stands there until the professor stops talking and asks him what he wants, and asks: "Have you guys taken the test yet?" Could he not have waited until the break to ask? How could he think that walking up to the professor in the middle of class, after he is an hour late, to ask him anything is proper?

Their either getting more and more annoying or I'm getting older. I wonder how I will react to them in my last year.

On my Days of Summer

2006-07-17T14:31:00.000-07:00

Summer sessions go way too fast. We are in week 4, they have taken their first midterm and I am already forgetting to show up to office hours. They don't show up anyway..but still..I should be there just incase.

My experiements are on the preliminary stages. I have been running some water striders, but there are still things I am not sure about (number of striders to run, if I need to keep track of who is who, how many trials per insect, how to analyze my data, tubing and how to make the flow rate stabilize, etc...) but I'm at least getting data. I hope the water striders don't die!

I finally was able to collect some....surprisingly in the same creek where I found my frogs. Funny that I never saw them when I went looking for tree frogs...of course I wasn't looking. I was happy to be out again searching for specimen to work on. It is so amazing to be out in the "wild" and have nothing to look at but nature. It's amazing. I wish I did that more often, but, I am always afraid to go out on my own, and there are not that many a people who like to go out in the wild.

We have started our study group for our first year exam (which is at the end of the summer). I can't seem to concentrate enough to get actual answers down on paper. I have simple outlines which I am sure will not help me when I am trying to write an essay during the test. Arghh! I need to pay attention. Plus, our apartment (without the air conditioning) has been unbearable, which should motivate me to stay in lab longer......which I think I will start doing today......

I have been told that Fall quarter I will be teaching Animal Physiology Lab (YIKES!) I have been hoping to avoid that class as much as possible. I knew I wanted to teach it, but no this soon! Next year I will be taking Med School Physiology and teaching that lab.....should be fun...and not stressful.....

Back to research.....

2006-07-14T20:50:00.000-07:00

My first Blog anniversary!

On how Animals Can Learn

2006-06-29T15:20:00.000-07:00

" ...so about 7 weeks ago I was on a boat in the middle of this river in Borneo. And this guy, in the back kitchen, had whipped up some fried bananas and pineapple for me and coffee, I can drink coffee no matter how hot it is, and I was sitting at the end of this boat staring at this orangutang named Bessie, who was sitting at the end of this pier. Bessie was a large orangutang who had apparently had many kids, but she obviously had gotten rid of them by now and had lost a lot of weight so she had these gigantic breast which were now hanging way down, so she was cute in ways and very ugly in others. So I was sitting at the end of this boat and she was sitting on the pier staring at me, and I knew what she wanted, she wanted some of the fried bananas. I wanted to give her some but at the same time I was scared because once an orangutang gets a hold of your finger the only way you are going to get out of their grip is by losing a digit. So, I had finally finished eating and the guy was going to get the rope that was tied to this tire in order for us to get the boat started when Bessie decided that she didn't want us to leave. So with one hand she got a hold of the tire, and the boat is not going to move with her holding on to this, and soon after her hand started to move towards me. I thought, shit I am done for. Now what was funny was that the guy from the kitchen, apparently this had happened before so he knew how to fix the problem, had gone to the kitchen and gotten a pot full of hot water. All he had to do was move the kettle towards Bessie's face and she knew she didn't want none of that".

On a Break

2006-06-28T13:02:00.000-07:00

Every time I begin a new project I realize that.....I will be bald at a young age. I just have to accept it.

I decided last week to take the respirometer apart so that I would have a better idea of the electrical connections needed as well as changing some of the tubing and software associated with the machine. I cleaned and organized the room, where I plan to stay all of my summer, so that when I wanted to start everything would be perfect.

Monday was supposed to be my first day of data collection. Today I have no data. Why? Because there is a mysterious problem with the stupid thing which I CAN NOT, for the life of me, figure out. So the room looks like crap again.

On top of that, while trying to fix it, I broke our one and only flowmeter. Which is only $620. Which I desperately need to figure out what's wrong with the darn respirometer!

Oh sweet science.

Yes, we have just been inside a human asshole

2006-06-27T12:43:00.000-07:00

It's funny how science needs to be presented to non-majors so that we don't "scare" them. Stories of orangutans gripping your fingers until they are pulled off, medicine men reading the outcome of a breached birth from jelly residue on a mason jar, running around Asian jungles almost naked, the many mistresses of Thai men, pictures of human assholes. All to explain natural selection?

After all of this circling around scientific definitions and concepts, evolution was explained as a hard fact. No nice little story accompanied it. Evolution = fact. Creationism = belief. It was a little undiscerning for me. Isn't this what most of those students are going to debate? That evolution is NOT a fact but mainly a "theory". So, why would you be so carefull as to walk around actual definitions, which most of them will not debate, and then leave no room for discussion of an actual controversial topic?

I know, evolution is a fact. Science has nothing to do with religion. Religions is something you believe. But to someone who is highly religious this is more than just a belief. It is an entity. They can almost touch it and they do not neet hard facts, a book, history, scientific examples, etc... to prove it. It's just reality. So, how are we going to make them understand that this is an actual biological (and very true) idea if we immediately tell them that there is no room to discuss. I am right and they (along with everything they believe and what has been passed on for generations) is completely wrong....so wrong that we won't even take a second look at it.

I know I said every day

2006-06-23T13:55:00.000-07:00

This week has been spent on preparing for the big summer break. Basically cleaning out the respirometry room and replumbing (putting at work most of what I learned at Sable Systems). At the end, the room looks the same, except I now know where everything is at. I have also cleaned out the very slow computer we have to capture all the data, and hopefully, have gotten it to run properly (It was freezing up and I have been losing all of my work, it's really frustrating when you have just spent that last three hours staring at a roach in a 10C room).

What's left: Calibrating and Software Upload

Today we had our second lab meeting of the summer and it wasn't at all horrible. We spoke of the proper time of when to bring authorship issues up. I doubt I will ever bring that up. Most of the time I don't even think about getting stuff published, I just want to be involved with the fun experiment part. I guess that's not professional?

A Breath of Fresh Summer Air

2006-06-16T14:10:00.000-07:00

Well, after this long year, and this long of a wait from post to post....I thought I would start anew. Today: my first day of the summer. Officially. Not that summer means anything anymore, except that I will have more time to dedicate to my own work instead of teaching, grading or desperately trying to finish assignments the day before they are due.

I started this fresh new breath by taking a respirometry course in Vegas. It set up me up with the knowledge of not only setting up the equipment but also how to gather data properly and how to properly analyze it. Important factors if I plan to continue with insect respiration.

During lab meeting today I was asked to stand and write on the board...while I was asked relatively easy questions (which I still screwed up) about respiration. That's ok. I wasn't ready for them. that's right. I hadn't prepared. Normally we just go around the table and say what we have been up to that week.

"Umm....graded some papers......went to class.......taught a lab..." . The End.

So today it was a bit different. I don't think I screwed up as much as I had personally expected.....but I know I'm still lacking in knowledge to impress anyone. We'll see how the summer pans out.

So, today marks the date for everyday posts........about important insect respiration things.....

Lack of Posting #2

2006-05-16T14:08:00.000-07:00

Yes, the lack of posting is just an example of how busy one is in grad school. There have been plenty of things to speak of, but no time to actually write it down.

Accomplishments for this quarter:
1. Awarded Sigma Xi "Grants in Aid of Research"
2. Had my first committee meeting
3. Presented in my first Physiology Group Seminar (FREAKING SCARY!)
4. Taught Experimental Biology without sweating
5. Hung out with advisor for a whole morning without crying
6. Finally understand (and can remember) some aspects of insect repiratory physiology
7. Began to write a DIIG
8. Bought books for 1st year exam

Things still to accomplish:
1. Finally decided on my project (I have absolutely no idea!)
2. Umm.....graduate from CSUSB (I now have to reapply to the program, isnt that retarded!)
3. Find a grant to support my research (which I still don't know what it's going to be on, hence the problem of applying for a grant).
4. Feeling comfortable with my advisor
5. Feeling comfortable of being here (I still feel like a jerk when I come into the building)
6. Study for first year exam (in September!)

Overall, things are still roller-coaster-like. On Friday I was excited because I had managed to present in my first Physiology Seminar, about a topic not related to frogs but more on what I think I will do my dissertation in (respiratory physiology of insects). I can remember the hypotheses as to why certain patterns of respiration are observed, and why its still important to investigate, and I could explain the article I was presenting clearly. It was great! It made me want to go read some more and learn! But, my day was crammed with seminars, TA duties, meetings, etc... By the time I had time to read again I was exhausted. I did nothing during the weekend (except catch up with family and friends who I haven't seen for a year) so by Monday I was behind on work. Which made me overwhelmed and therefore I did nothing. 3 days wasted! Plus the respirometer is not working, so I lost all my data for the work I did get done yesterday.

Tommorrow: Presentation on invasive species and their effects on individuals, populations, communities and ecosystems.

Thursday: 2nd draft of DIIG grant due
TA Experimental Bio
Atted Experimental BIO lecture

Friday: (see above)

All the days seem to be melting into one HUGE year.

iDesign #1

2006-03-18T21:54:00.000-08:00

I enjoy listening to a good discussion. Especially one that relates to science.....or politics.....or both. Today I had the pleasure of attending Dr. Francisco Ayala's talk on Darwin and Intelligent Design. Although I thought that his statements would be met with disdain, as most of the OC seems to be highly religious and conservative, I was surprised as to how open most seemed to be to the idea that a "designer" could not have created such an imperfect world.

His talk began with various examples as to how natural selection has changed the organism and how an "inelligent designer" would not have been able to correctly predict all of the required adaptations for that organism to be able to survive. Instead, each adaptations was slowly created into what we now observe.

Although there were some discourse about vocabulary (everybody was upset that he used the word "designed" when he in fact was not talking about a "designer") things didn't get too heated until someone possed the question (or rather statement):

"People choose to believe in a designer because they are ignorant about how science trully works".

Overall it was an awesome experience.

Meeting with the Boss

2006-03-09T15:32:00.000-08:00

I finally mustered up the courage to set an appointment with him about an idea for a project. Too bad that the night before I discovered that Hoffman has been working on it since the early '90's.

I had nothing to talk about except how I had thought it would be a good project until I saw all the work that had been done in Drosophila. I thought that instead of approaching it from an interspecific point of view we could look at intraspecific differences in respiration pattern due to loss of water or changes in amount of oxygen. We could also look at behavior, etc.....and tie it all up with some genetics.

He said: "Well, we're not looking to win the Nobel prize with your first project, but we should try to find an interesting question".

I think that means he didn't like it. I thought it was interesting. He said he wasn't trying to be insulting, but that a lot of people where already looking at that sort of stuff. And I completly agreed, even before we started talking.

My major goal was just to go in there and talk to him. I haven't been able to do that. That was accomplished. I am happy with that.

My first Interview Weekend as A Grad Student

2006-03-06T15:45:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it's been a year since I came to interview. This weekend we had 16 people (mostly girls) come out to see if they were a good fit with our department. There were the same parties and busy get togethers, but it was so much easier being on this side of the coin. Although surprisingly, it was just as tiring.

I had one student stay with us for the weekend and I was surprised that as her arrival date got closer my anxiety level rose. I cleaned my apartment for hours on Wednesday night, and Thursday I didn't want to go pick her up. She was very nice and polite. Married, just like me. Interested in behavior, just like me. You'd figure we'd have lots to talk about. We didn't. It was awkward. Luckly she was tired most of the weekend and we didn't have a lot of "alone" time. I was worried that I would say something stupid.

I was glad that I could help out as much as possible. It gave me a good feeling about what the weekend really means, which surprisingly, was something really different as to what I thought it was for when I came last year.

A summary of the last 2 months

2006-02-17T16:47:00.000-08:00

This quarter has been hectic from the start!

I started a week late due to a conference in January, so as soon as I came back I had to try and catch up. Here's a quick summary just to bring everyone up to date:

Teaching: I am teaching a discussion for a class called "Organisms to Ecosystems" where basically we teach a little evolution, a little taxonomy, a little everything (similar to BIO 201 at CSUSB). I have taught a lab like this before but never a discussion which took me a little while to get used to. Especially because I've never had a dicussion session so I wasn't really sure what the point of it was. The good part is that the students aren't as annoying since I don't give them most of their grade. Of course I did have a student complain as to why I didn't give them a quiz based on everything that was on the test ("well....you saw the exam before, didn't you?"). Please.

Research: Have done absolutely nothing on this! I don't even know what my project will be. I'm stressed because I don't know if I am expected to know already. I keep on asking and I am told that I shouldn't worry about it just yet...but I really wish I was getting something done. Although I started a small project during the summer I didn't continue working on it because we discovered some flaw. So, now I am supposed to be working on water striders....unfortunately I haven't had time to collect them. I'm worried I will be thrown out. I really need to start doing some work.

Coursework: I'm taking en Evolution course which at first sucked....but after the first month we were required to prepare some lectures and now I absolutely love it (minus the class I had on Thursday where I could barely stay awake). I really enjoy learning about the history of the may topics in evolution. Sometimes I'm embarrassed though cuz everyone talks about how this is just a "review" and nothing is new...but I swear I haven't heard a lot of this before. Oh well....at least I'm hearing it now.

In the darkest time in the deepest part of the forest, the scientist prepare.

2006-01-27T14:45:00.000-08:00

The evolution of sex is a paradox that has boggled the minds of scientist for many decades. Although certain theories, such as the Red Queen and the mutation determenistic model, have been somewhat accepted the argument whether a pluristic or direct approach should be taken is still being debated. On one hand you have the problem of combining an array of theories which would eventually allow you to support anything. On the other hand you can choose to restrict yourself to one theory and basically apply it only to the population which you are currently studying. Neither one satisfies the scientist within.

It seems that although sex (and recombination) may break up beneficial genotypes it also drives out alleles which may become detrimental if found within a population. Sex then continues to persist in many populations although asexual reproduction has also evolved independently in many lineages. So why is there so much sex? In some asexual organisms its been shown that a small amount of sex can erase the effects of unfavorable alleles. If sex is costly then you would imagine that there would be an advantage to limit the amounts of sex within a population.

A LITTLE SOMETHING WE DISCUSSED IN EVOLUTION CORE

DISASTER

2005-12-13T19:41:00.000-08:00

My previous blog sounded so positive. I'm so sad the feeling had to end so quickly.

Today I found out I screwed things up majorly with my grades. Unfortunately I decided to use a grade scale which was not meant for any of the homeworks that my students turned in. Eight of them have inflated grades (2-3% and one has a 4% bonus). So, now we are faced with what to do. Give them the corrected scores (after they have already gotten their grades) or keep the wrong scores (which would give them an advantage over the rest of the class)? If it was up to me I would change the grades and simply tell them it was my screw up and that I'm really not taking any points away which they earned. I know they would be mad at me, but that's what they earned!

Unfortunately, its not all up to me. Which makes me feel like an idiot. Why didn't I pay attention? Every other day I am wishing more and more to just go work at In-N-Out. My biggest problem would be figuring out how to take the burger smell off my clothes at night.

"Welcome to In-N-Out. Can I take your order?"

The End of The Beginning

2005-12-12T16:11:00.000-08:00

I am officially done with my first quarter (as I let out a sigh of relief). The last weeks where jammed with things to do:

1) Give a final presentation for my class
2) Grade Lab Reports
3) Enter all Grades for my students
4) Help my students review for their Final
5) Help make the Final for the class I'm teaching
6) Grade the Final for the class I'm teaching
7) Make presentation for Conference

Today I had to "practice" my presentation in front of the department, just so they could give me some insight on how I can make it better. They were far nicer than what I expected. Still, at the end I felt inadequate. Last week I found myself trying to find an alterior motive for being asked to run the scantrons during the grading session. I though, "They must think I'm too stupid to help grade the short answer questions". And then I though, "I really need to stop thinking that everything that happens here has to do with me being too stupid to do anything else". I mean, really......how much of their lives are people really dedicating to think about my stupidity. It's definately gotten ridiculous. Yet, its hard to feel comfortable.

I've decided to take everything as a learning experience. Obviously I'm not expected to know everything or else I wouldn't be here, right? This whole thing is a learning experience.

I'm glad for the things I have learned, the dumb things I've said, the stress, the lazy students trying to get me to give them extra points, the plagarising, the grading and most of all the wonderful, kick-ass people I've met.

TAing and The Lab

2005-11-21T21:19:00.000-08:00

Today I have more students begging for extra points. She says :

"so, umm....I think I'm failing this class".

Yea.....

"Cuz, umm.....I got a zero for my summary rough draft....cuz I plagarized, and then I got a C- on the final draft and you took points off for turning it in late to Turnitin.com......and ....umm.....I don't think its fair because my friends paper was late to Turnitin.com and the TA didn't take points off."

Really, because he's supposed to. I tell them the first day that points will be taken off.....

"So, umm..... is there any way that you could give me those points?"

NO! (shake my head in disgust)

"Well, umm....do you think that you could give us some more bonus points?"

NO!

How about they just read and write what they are supposed to when they are supposed to? They're so annoying!

The quarter is rapidly ending. I can't believe that my first quarter as a PhD student is almost over! It feels like I haven't accomplished anything! I still have to come up with a project and learn my way around the lab!

Ramblings

2005-11-08T20:13:00.000-08:00

Time goes by so quickly! I've been living here for 4 months already and I started school two months ago! The quarter is almost over and I still feel like I'm just getting my feet wet. There are so many things to get done and the days just aren't long enough. There are three pressing issues:

1) Finish writing my thesis (it's taking a ridiculous amount of time)
2) Determine what my project is going to be on (I'm supposed to meet with my committee in Spring)
3) Try to find money so that I can actually buy things that I may need for my project

Of course, there's always the rest of the things on my to-do list:

1) Finish this fly/roach project I've started
2) Work on my SICB presentation (I'm speaking this year...no poster for me!)
3) Go thru my Physiology book so that I actually remember things
4) go thru my Statistics book so that I actually remember things
5) Go thru my Molecular book so that I actually remember things
6) Go thru my Algebra book so that I don't say stupid things when I speak with my advisor
7) Figure out what I want to do this summer (I think I want to go to Guatemala and work with this guy named Jack Schuster working on beetles. I spoke to him like 2 years ago and he was all supportive.....I don't know where I will come up with the money though. I think it would be cool cuz maybe I can come up with an idea for a project....)
8) Oh yea....and be smart....I wan't to schedule a special time when I can develop this....

My friend "T" came to visit this weekend. I was so happy! It's been three whole months since we have seen each other, and just last year we were seeing each other every day! Last year I was frantically studying for the GRE and filling out applications and thinking that I would never get in. Now I'm using this labs computer to type this on a Tuesday night. It's amazing how things change so fast. I wonder what it will be like in February when the interviewers come. I hope they don't ask me anything cuz I will have NO idea what to tell them. And to think! Every day that passes is one less day I will spend with Melissa! Its so weird how its only been 4 months since I see her all the time...and how it already seems like it will be weird without her. I miss my friends at CSUSB....

At Last

2005-10-26T16:23:00.000-07:00

(http://grad.bio.uci.edu/ecoevo/hcontrer)

Marvels of 210

2005-10-21T14:12:00.000-07:00

Why do I have to sit by him today? I am not prepared. I leave for a minute waiting for things to begin. It gives him less time to focus in on me.

We start.

Stretch. Shift. Shake.

He looks bored. Like he has somewhere else to be. Something else on his mind and he just wants to leave. He looks around, distracted, and stays quiet. Why do I make him out to be more than he really is? It makes me think of the first time I made contact with him.

Sorry about this somewhat delayed response. We took the first year graduate students out to Catalina Island for a field course/retreat this weekend and I'm just trying to catch up with correspondence as a result of that. Thank you for your inquiry concerning graduate work at Irvine. I will be able to accommodate an additional graduate student in my laboratory next year and would be more than happy to consider your application for Ph.D. level study. Thank you again for your interest in my laboratory and in Irvine. I believe we have much to offer and would be pleased to talk with you about your research interests. Please let me know if I can provide more information or assistance. If you wish to talk by telephone, my work number is xxx-xxx-xxxx and my home number is xxx-xxx-xxxx.

He was the only one to offer his home number. He's not too scary. Maybe.

TA POWER!

2005-10-20T17:50:00.000-07:00

I spent today grading 2 summaries. In between setting up an experiment, attending a grading workshop and lecture I have managed to look at 2 horrendous attempts at summarizing an article. It's not even that they tried and didn't understand but that they are insulting! Do they not know that I was also a student? Do they think that I can't read? I mean....I just graded their summaries last week....do they not know that I will notice if ALL OF THEIR PAPER IS PLAGARIZED! How insulting! How aggravating it is to spend hours looking at these papers, time spent away from things that you should be doing for your research or writing, just to find that they put no effort...that's right NO EFFORT...at all!

I think I'll fail them all. Except that I can't. I'm not allowed.

Oh yea...the power of the TA.

2005-10-06T16:46:00.000-07:00

So I have realized that the only time I write about my life in this new graduate program is when I am feeling really frustrated and therefore end up talking about all the bad things that are happening, but I forget to mention what is so cool about being here. So I dedicate this entry to my new title "first year PhD student".

* The science library is as big as my old Biology building.

* I have the opportunity of using super,exciting, cool instruments for a possible project.

* I am encouraged to come up with some cool project (soon) so that I could play around.

* My classes are geared towards what I am ACTUALLY interested in studying instead of having to take whatever class is available so that I could graduate.

* I am actually learning how to become a better "teacher". We get a lot of training for the labs we have to teach.

* I have a great advisor who is interested in things that I am also interested in!

* The entire department is interested in things that I am intersted in!

* I am surrounded by really cool and smart people!

* The total amount of parties I've been to while out here is greater than all of the ones combined in the last 3 years!

* Did I say really cool people already?

* Cool clubs that I could potentially belong to...although highly unlikely since I don't have any time.

* Cool classes to take....although I have missed the deadline to apply....

* I live by the beach (sort of)

* There's like a million stores I could potentially go to.....although I might be broke after...

* I can definately dedicate my whole time to studying BIO!

Life is good as a graduate student....

Another reason to Hide

2005-10-04T14:30:00.000-07:00

With my right hand on my forehead I walk while talking to myself. This place makes me anxious. Alone in the hall I contemplate the last conversation I had:

"It actually looked really good. I think you covered everything in great detail and your literature review is extensive. Your project sounds very interesting."

"Oh.....good. Thank you. I was worried that you would think it was stupid."

(Laugh)

"Yea, I was just thinking that I need to do something like this for what I'm writing and this is so clearly writen."

That was a good thing right? Why am I still shaking? I overanalyze things too much. Should I have said something else? Should I offer the use of my work? I have a headache. I need coffee.
I leave and come back and say......

"Well....I know that you are a much better writer than I probably ever will be..."

I see a small smile on his face which I can't interpret. Damn. I should have kept my mouth shut.

".......but if you want you can use my thing as a guide...or whatever....".

"Ok.....I will try not to plagarize".

(sigh) I SUCK! I don't know how to behave. I have a feeling that when I leave I will be bald, have heart problems and my face will twich.

2005-09-28T16:20:00.000-07:00

So I just finished my first class and nobody killed me. I was trully afraid that these UC types would notice a CSU intruder. Today I may go home unharmed. Nine more days to go.

I definately have discovered that feeling like an idiot is ubiquitous in grad school. Recently I was present when a grad student fell apart for a couple of minutes in her regular day. Later I saw her at lunch: she was smiling. Isn't it such a roller coaster? There's been days when I want to disappear from this "science world" in the morning but in the evening be appalled by the possibility of not doing science anymore. What else would I be? There's nothing I love more than finding out how a chameleon is able to maintain its body temperature through behavioral modifications. Or how the elasmobranchs seemed to have originally been located in fresh water and then moved to the sea. I get to absorb information day in and day out as part of my "job" instead of driving into an office and sitting in a cubicle performing mundane jobs day in and day out. What else can I ask for?

Of course those days that I feel more like an idiot than normal make me always re-think whether I belong here. It is my first week of classes. I have attended one of my classes twice this week and both times I have been praying that I will not get called upon to answer any questions. I honestly don't think I would be able to answer them and everybody else seems to be following along perfectly. I hope they don't find out that I am an imposter. That I don't belong!

At a seminar this week I was asked: Don't you think that its not worth it? That the inserted gene will eventually be selected out?

Response: umm....yea....that makes sense.....( I hadn't thought about it really)

In class it was asked: How would you determine the specific heat of a mouse?

Response (in my head): I need a Coke.....what??

The questions are not really impossible to answer. I just don't seem to be paying attention and it takes me a while to process. What if I am called upon next week? They'll find out!

TAing

2005-09-19T19:34:00.000-07:00

Today was the start of the year. The first year cohort is assigned to this 3 day workshop which is aimed to assist you in developing your TA skills. Although it was super early I managed to enjoy it. I assumed that the workshop would be give by some anonymous HR person, but instead it was given by a 3-year grad student so the talks/demonstrations were relevant. Tommorrow we have to give a little lecture on some biological topic so that the class could evaluate us. I am going to give my BIO100 lecture on diffusion/osmosis. I'm sure that will amaze them......

I've learned that I will be TAing BIO100L. I have no idea what that means. Everything seems so High-tech here though. Last week I received an invitation to join Turnitin which is a web-site in which my student will need to turn in their assignments. The database is used to check for any sort of plagarism. Therefore I will ask them to turn in a written and an online copy. UCI also has something called an Electronic Educational Environment (eee), where as a student or lecturer, you have an online site where you could look at post for the classes your scheduled to attend or, in turn, you could post things for the class you are teaching. So, apparently, my first task is to try and design a web page for my class. You could also post students grades on the eee (this will not only post the students grade but it will also give the average and where the student stands in comparison to the rest of the class...apparently you can see graphs/curves). Did CSUSB know about this?

My last quarter teaching at CSUSB kind of sucked. I was teaching 3 BIO100 labs (which is a class for non-majors) and I had a lot of kids (well...students...which I'm sure where older than I was) who were disruptive...well....they were a pain. One student yelled at me because she didn't want to pay attention and learn how to properly use a microscope......others got upset because I had 22 other people in the class ....you know, and I wasn't focusing only on them. My goal here is to stop being so nice. I definately have to set boundaries from the beginning.

The labor of writing

2005-09-14T17:55:00.000-07:00

The worst is when you're writing and you are trying to find studies to cite.

You write a paragraph, then remember that you have a study showing that exact result, and then you forgot where you read it? Maybe I'm doing something wrong, but I keep on spending all this time trying to figure out where it was I read what I am trying to write about. For example, I found that there was no real difference between hydrated and dehydrated frogs in the amount of time they take to find a water source, and in fact some frogs die from dehydration just a few cm away from a water source. I read that today in an article and I have spent the last 3 hours trying to find the article I read that in! There must be a better way of keeping track of these!

New School Year

2005-09-14T12:15:00.000-07:00

(im on the 5th floor)

So I've finally buckled down. I've been actually doing science for the last couple of days. Therefore, there has been less blogging. I guess the daunting taks of just writing has diminished by now thinking of trying to write AND attend classes AND teach. Oh well, I'm going to have to do it somehow.

I met with the first-year committe on Monday so that they could tell me what classes I needed to take or ones I could skip. As soon as I walked in I made a fool of myself.

Prof: So what is your background?
me: Well, I've studied osmoregulation in frogs.
(LONG PAUSE)
me: Is that not what you meant?
Prof: No.

I keep on feeling so lame! There's been tons of questions I have been wanting to ask my PI about the project I am working on, but I'm scared that if I ask the questions will be really retarded....or that he'll think I am questioning him (I've gotten that feeling before). So instead, every time that he comes up to talk to me about it all I do is nod and say "right, right". But now that's feeling really stupid as well. I mean, shouldn't I be questioning things if I am a grad student? Should I be giving him some ideas about how to proceed? Like, have some input or something? It's not like I know everything about this subject but I do have some ideas/questions. I'm just afraid of his reaction. I totally don't know where I stand, and I have been here TWO months!

Anyways, I will be taking three classes (a Physiology seminar, a Physiology refresher course, and an ecology/evolution seminar, I got to skip statistics). Along with that I will be teaching Bio100....which I hear is relly easy and super structured, which I don't mind at all. I am looking forward to these. I miss being in a classroom. It's been almost a year since I was last in that environment.

2005-09-02T14:19:00.000-07:00

I have been unable to read all of Collapse:How societies choose to fail or succeed but what I have gotten through is scary. Its so possible. With the hurricane and its effects in New Orleans we see how societies can collapse so quickly. It seems that within a week of being "disconnected" a lot of individuals began to take advantage of those who were already hurting. I couldn't believe that while in a place that was supposed to give people comfort some took this as an opportunity to continue bringing heartache by raping and killing. It reminded me of The Heart of Darkness or Lord of the Flies.

Are men really destined to be evil? Is kindness achieved only through some sort of social pressure and only for our individual advantage? I mean we are still animals. Doesn't 'survival of the fitest' still apply? Maybe its not so much that we are evil, but that we see nothing further than what will benefit us. In Easter Island endemic fauna and flora were destroyed by its inhabitants without a second thought. Ultimately this led to the collapse of their civilization and total destruction of the island. The surviving population turned to cannibalism in order to survive. Jared Diamond, author of Collapse, poses the question: "What was the person who chopped down the last tree on the island thinking while cutting if down?". Nothing. He was thinking of the canoe he was going to make. Or the warmth of the fire the burning wood would provide.

Although I have tried to do my part in protecting/preserving many of the resources which are now not as abundant as they were hundreds of years ago, it seems so hard to continue this way of life. Everything is so disposable. But should we really be tied down to material things simply because they are convenient? What will happen when they are gone? Or worse, what if the usage of these material things causes other resources, which we really can not live without, to disappear.

...like I haven't made it before....

2005-08-24T17:02:00.000-07:00

Today I got help for making Agar. That tasty smell of agar. The one I made for three years, the entire time I preped for Cell Phys. My advisor made it for me. Like I was an idiot! All I could do was stand and watch..like I hadn't made it before. I felt so stupid!

Anyways, it was my fault. I think my communication skills are at an all time low. What I meant to say was: "I'm not sure where you keep the agar so that I can make it"...what I said was "I don't know how to make agar"....so he made it for me. He must think I am sooo lame! I can almost hear the stories he must tell his wife:

Advisor: "She was just standing there while I mixed the powder with water and stirred. I mean how hard is that? LO-SER".

Wife: "Yes....what an idiot. Hahahaha.

Advisor: "Hahahaha"

There's been plenty of little stories like that for the last two months, I'm sure. Maybe he'll keep me around for comic relief.

SICK!

2005-08-23T15:29:00.000-07:00

Today I saw an alligator hatch. Who would have thought that those words would ever come out of my mouth! They're so small.....and slimy! Too bad that the first thing they had to see was that crappy news paper.....and my stupified face. yes....and too bad that they will never see anything outside the lab and that they are destined for this. Why did I choose physiological ecology again?

(Picture stolen from Meli)

Another Day in the Roach Lab

2005-08-23T11:40:00.000-07:00

Well...the respirometer still doesn't work. We've been trying for a couple of weeks now and the RQ is still over 1. We've tried calibrating the CO2, the O2, running roaches, running flies, new plumbing....nothing. I have two weeks before I have to present some sort of results and I think I'm not going to make it. Hopefully they will be satisfied with: "umm.....well.....I learned how to turn on the respirometer (point at picture) and how to get into the acquisition/analyzing programs (point at picture).....and I got some...umm.....readings for...umm....flies (point at picture) and hissing roaches (point at picture).... insert joke....smile."

He had suggested on writing an abstract so I could present at SICB this year.....but the deadline is Sept 5. Damn! Sept. 5th! I was planning on presenting the rest of my thesis results. That gives me less than two weeks to write an abstract, have it corrected, and sending it in. Why do I always procrastinate? Last year we were up to 2 a.m. putting my poster together the night before we were leaving for the meeting. Is this the way its supposed to work? Everyone I talk to is always working at the very last minute. Well....it seems like I am going to pull all nighters once again.

On Writing

2005-08-18T16:01:00.000-07:00

My very first mention of any sort in an actual scientific paper!

The effects of resource availibility on alternative mating tactics in guppies.

Yea.....its at the very bottom.....

Anonymous

2005-08-17T12:28:00.000-07:00

....avoiding writing my thesis....

I was thinking today of all the people who've had an impact in my life. Of course there's the major influential ones like: Dr. Larry Mink (the first scientist who actually saw some potential in me, and yes tried to convert me into a Chemist by actually setting up interviews with various professors), Dr. John Tate (first scientits who let me work in his lab...yes he was a Chemist, and yes it was due to Dr. Mink's influence), Dr. Greg Grether (first Biologist who saw potential in me and who inspired me through his enthusiasm for Biology), Dr. Gita Kolluru (the post doc in Grether's lab who really took time to talk to me about the field and guide me), Dr. Colleen Talbot (who introduced me to graduate life).

Then there are those people who don't even know they made a difference... yes...my friends of course who I have countlessly thanked and praised....but also the anonymous people like the man on the plane about three years ago. I was on my way to New Mexico and it was the first time I was flying since 9/11. As I buckled my seat belt I thought about the countless times I had done that with no imminent danger. I sat back in my seat and stared out the window. Soon the plane was ready for take off and I FREAKED OUT! I was crying and breathing way too loud, I'm sure. The business man sitting next to me asked if I was ok and I told him that I felt silly because I had done this countless times and had no reason to be so nervous. He was great. Talked to me about his job, asked me where I was going, kept my mind off the flying....and soon we landed. When we got off he made sure that I knew where I had to catch my connecting flight by walking me over to the gate before he left. I was so thankful! I think about him all the time. Sadly time has allowed me to forget what he looked like so if I ever wanted to thank him personally I wouldn't be able to. So instead I send good thoughts to him every day that I can and I hope that his life is filled with happiness.

The Jane Goodall Philosophy

2005-08-16T14:27:00.000-07:00

So....another dead roach. It is my second week working with Gromphadorhina portentosa...yes the hissing Madagascar roaches...and I have managed to somehow exterminate two and lose one out of twelve that I needed to use for the experiment. Now, if these had been my frogs I would have been devasted but for some reason I have no attachment to these animals. Maybe if I gave them names....

When I first began working on tree frogs I used H. regilla to determine whether frogs had the ability to "taste". We dehydrated frogs to a certain level in order to ensure that re-hydration behaviors would be induced and then we offered the animal different types of solutes. It turns out that not only could the frogs discriminate between different concentrations of salts (therefore avoiding those substrates containing a high solute concentration and causing further dehydration) but also that they were able to discriminate between different types of salts (therefore avoding solutions containing low levels of solutes depending on the types of salts used). Without Limey, Oreo and Godzilla these results would not have been obtained. For my thesis project I had planned to continue naming my animals but it was suggested that it was not a good idea. I mean its not very scientific to say "Snoopy was very thirsty and showed water absorption response at 10% dehydration". And secondly, we don't want to give our experimental animals any human qualities.....but why not?

I was a field assistant one summer on a project focused on the response of translocation in black tailed prairie dogs. The week before I got there 200 animals were killed in the town which was built by the biologists due to a storm which caused a sudden flood. I was told that the individuals really did not matter in this type of field but only what happens to the overall population. So don't dwell on the 200 that died but on the ones that you might be able to save if your project is a success. I don't want to become that. If we are responsible for collecting animals for our experiments we are responsible for making sure that their lives are respected. Maybe we need to make them more human so that we remember that they are not just another test subject and that their bitting, fighting, hiding and running away are not just another inconvenience for us but instead a great deal of stress for them.

So I will individualize my roaches. I will give them each a name. I will observe them and determine each of their personalities so that when I do find another one dead, buried underneath the others, I will know who I have lost and what will be missing. Each individual does matter. Whether you're a physiologist or a conservation biologist.

Townson

2005-08-08T17:45:00.000-07:00

Robert Townson began the study of osmoregulation in amphibians during the late 1700's. His work elucidated many of the well known facts we now know about amphibian water regulation such as: 1) cutaneous water absorption, 2) behavioral responses to decrease dehydration, 3) behavioral responses associated with re-hydration. In fact, his studies were so complex that they also focused on dehydration rates and differeces in water absorption behaviors between species. His work, for many years, has been highly ignored until a recent review by C. Barker Jorgensen, where several studies focused on osmoregulation were compiled, begining with Townson's work.

Since Townson many other great scientists have evolved sharing his interests in amphibian water regulation: Stanley Hillyard (whose work was the platform for my recent studies), Stanley Hillman, Vaughan Shoemaker, Ken Nagy, etc...all focused on the many aspects of osmoregulation in amphibians. Some mainly focusing on certain aspects of physiology affected by increased dehydration such as increased blood viscosity, increased blood pressure, and decreased blood circulation. Others view it from a larger perspective incorporating both physiological changes with behavioral responses.

Since frogs are biological indicators it is vital to understand the manner in which these organisms interact with their environment. Physiological ecology studies are therefore important as are those focusing on other aspects of the animals ecology/biology. Although entering this elite scientific group may be ardorous what is most important is not reaching their stature as a scientist but sharing scientific ideas and discoveries. Townson is where to start.

Misconcepcions

2005-08-02T15:58:00.000-07:00

So today I went to one of the workshops set up by the AGEP program. We had a guest speaker (the dean of graduate studies) who spoke to us about graduate school and everything associated with it. Mainly he focused on his experience and how he had ended up as a PhD student. It was amazing to hear that someone of that stature had exactly the same doubts as I do. He said his main fear entering the program was that he wasn't going to measure up. He came from a small school and wasn't sure whether he was "good enough". It is my story!

He spoke about picking your mentor, you know...not to focus on personality, speak to other graduate students, make sure you know where his past students have gone....and then he said that you weren't really expected to know what you want to do, and that you should keep your mind open to other things. He said that when he went into grad school he knew he liked Physics..and that's about it. He landed in a lab by pure luck. Isn't this contradictory to what we go through when we apply to schools? I mean, when I was an undergrad I worked in a lab at UCLA and I distinctly remember telling them that I wanted to study something under the behavioral ecology umbrella...and their response to that was that this was too vague. I needed to pinpoint what I really wanted to do before I applied. So all of these years I have been struggling in deciding what it is I really want to study....but I am interested in everything. Apparently I was mislead. In fact I personally know an undergrad who didn't even want to go to grad school, but nonchalantly ended up applying to schools...since she didn't know what else she was going to do, and ended up attending Yale. She had NO CLUE what she wanted to study..or at least that's what I gathered. It just doesn't seem fair. I've been wanting to attend graduate school since I can remember, and here I am struggling everyday trying to feel like I deserve to be here...when all this time I have been working towards this. I guess I should be content with the fact that I am actually here.

Fun with Flies

2005-07-27T13:51:00.000-07:00

I officially began work as of yesterday. I'm helping a post doc from medicine look at the metabolic reactions of fruit flies which have been genetically manipulated. Now, I am still confused on exactly the mutation's effect. I know he's looking at longevity but is also interested in behavior/learning. I think the mutations affect these two topics. What is interesting about this is that most adaptations that assure a longer life span cause metabolism to decrease, but it seems that in these flies metabolism actually increases.

My project has been put on hold for a while. I will be looking at the effects that dehydration and dehydration/starvation has on the metabolic rate of roaches and crickets. From frogs to crickets. Hopefully my work will return to amphibians soon.

Moving on.....

2005-07-25T14:55:00.000-07:00

It didn't really hit me, my new life, until last Thursday when I visited my friend who is leaving the state for grad school. It is ridiculous to think that I have made it this far. I mean, yes I have done the work...and yes I have attained an impressive amount of knowledge....but not the type of knowledge I thought I would have gained by this time in my career. I mean, if it wasn't for my friends during my masters program I probably would have quit. They carried me through the many stages of the project....developing it, doing it, analyzing it..... I mean without them I really wouldn't have completed my project. I wouldn't have known where to start. They were more than my friends, they were my mentors. And now all that has somehow passed. I am actually in grad school. I am actually starting my PhD program. I am actually leaving these last three years behind (well...... almost since my thesis is still at bay).

Now I have the opportunity to start everything anew. Become a "better" student. No procrastinating, always on schedule with new research, always motivated.......but the opportunity to say something stupid is always lingering around the corner.....

Good luck Rhyax!

My first post

2005-07-14T12:52:00.000-07:00

I started this blog to document my path to and through grad school. Although I've had it for a while, I haven't actually written anything...so, I guess I'll play catch up. I have been accepted into a PhD program at UCI (in the Ecology and Evolutionary Biology Department with the Comparative Physiologist group). I didn't think I would get accepted anywhere. My grades were ok (not stellar) and my research background was good, but my GRE scores were horrible! I applied anyways (all because of the encouragement of a friend who by the way also encouraged the start up of this blog...and who will be leaving soon for grad school...) and I got in! YEY! Now I have just started this AGEP program, which is a fellowship for minority students. Basically it is designed to get minority students into the department before the program begins in the fall. I just started on Monday, so I still feel kind of weird. My advisor is very nice, really easy to talk to...but I still don't know what is expected......we'll see how it goes...