So I just finished my first class and nobody killed me. I was trully afraid that these UC types would notice a CSU intruder. Today I may go home unharmed. Nine more days to go.

I definately have discovered that feeling like an idiot is ubiquitous in grad school. Recently I was present when a grad student fell apart for a couple of minutes in her regular day. Later I saw her at lunch: she was smiling. Isn't it such a roller coaster? There's been days when I want to disappear from this "science world" in the morning but in the evening be appalled by the possibility of not doing science anymore. What else would I be? There's nothing I love more than finding out how a chameleon is able to maintain its body temperature through behavioral modifications. Or how the elasmobranchs seemed to have originally been located in fresh water and then moved to the sea. I get to absorb information day in and day out as part of my "job" instead of driving into an office and sitting in a cubicle performing mundane jobs day in and day out. What else can I ask for?

Of course those days that I feel more like an idiot than normal make me always re-think whether I belong here. It is my first week of classes. I have attended one of my classes twice this week and both times I have been praying that I will not get called upon to answer any questions. I honestly don't think I would be able to answer them and everybody else seems to be following along perfectly. I hope they don't find out that I am an imposter. That I don't belong!

At a seminar this week I was asked: Don't you think that its not worth it? That the inserted gene will eventually be selected out?

Response: umm....yea....that makes sense.....( I hadn't thought about it really)

In class it was asked: How would you determine the specific heat of a mouse?

Response (in my head): I need a Coke.....what??

The questions are not really impossible to answer. I just don't seem to be paying attention and it takes me a while to process. What if I am called upon next week? They'll find out!