Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Another reason to Hide

With my right hand on my forehead I walk while talking to myself. This place makes me anxious. Alone in the hall I contemplate the last conversation I had:

"It actually looked really good. I think you covered everything in great detail and your literature review is extensive. Your project sounds very interesting."

"Oh.....good. Thank you. I was worried that you would think it was stupid."


"Yea, I was just thinking that I need to do something like this for what I'm writing and this is so clearly writen."

That was a good thing right? Why am I still shaking? I overanalyze things too much. Should I have said something else? Should I offer the use of my work? I have a headache. I need coffee.
I leave and come back and say......

"Well....I know that you are a much better writer than I probably ever will be..."

I see a small smile on his face which I can't interpret. Damn. I should have kept my mouth shut.

".......but if you want you can use my thing as a guide...or whatever....".

"Ok.....I will try not to plagarize".

(sigh) I SUCK! I don't know how to behave. I have a feeling that when I leave I will be bald, have heart problems and my face will twich.


At 4:22 PM , Blogger Krista said...

thank-you for the comment on my blog. I read through it carefully and am always grateful for the input of others, especially when it comes from people I have not yet heard from before. It looks like you have an interesting blog here. Keep on writing. Have a good day. :)

At 10:39 PM , Blogger Meli said...

was that what you were going to tell me? it is not bad. YOU! ARE NOT! RETARDED!

At 6:54 AM , Blogger Rhyax said...

I am not quite sure I understand who is talking to who in your post, but I get the idea where your anxiety is coming from. If it makes you feel any better, I am feeling pretty stupid myself these days. I get nervous around my advisor and I worry that he will decide I am an imposter. All I can do is try harder to get up to speed on the stuff I am supposed to know. It's a lot of work. But I am pretty sure that, unless you are a freakish genius (genus?), these kinds of feelings are normal, especially in the beginning.

Just do your best. If you catch yourself slacking off, STOP IT! Get back to work! That's the only solution I can think of: hard work. You can do it!


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