...like I haven't made it before....

Today I got help for making Agar. That tasty smell of agar. The one I made for three years, the entire time I preped for Cell Phys. My advisor made it for me. Like I was an idiot! All I could do was stand and watch..like I hadn't made it before. I felt so stupid!

Anyways, it was my fault. I think my communication skills are at an all time low. What I meant to say was: "I'm not sure where you keep the agar so that I can make it"...what I said was "I don't know how to make agar"....so he made it for me. He must think I am sooo lame! I can almost hear the stories he must tell his wife:

Advisor: "She was just standing there while I mixed the powder with water and stirred. I mean how hard is that? LO-SER".

Wife: "Yes....what an idiot. Hahahaha.

Advisor: "Hahahaha"

There's been plenty of little stories like that for the last two months, I'm sure. Maybe he'll keep me around for comic relief.

SICK!

Today I saw an alligator hatch. Who would have thought that those words would ever come out of my mouth! They're so small.....and slimy! Too bad that the first thing they had to see was that crappy news paper.....and my stupified face. yes....and too bad that they will never see anything outside the lab and that they are destined for this. Why did I choose physiological ecology again?

(Picture stolen from Meli)

Another Day in the Roach Lab

Well...the respirometer still doesn't work. We've been trying for a couple of weeks now and the RQ is still over 1. We've tried calibrating the CO2, the O2, running roaches, running flies, new plumbing....nothing. I have two weeks before I have to present some sort of results and I think I'm not going to make it. Hopefully they will be satisfied with: "umm.....well.....I learned how to turn on the respirometer (point at picture) and how to get into the acquisition/analyzing programs (point at picture).....and I got some...umm.....readings for...umm....flies (point at picture) and hissing roaches (point at picture).... insert joke....smile."

He had suggested on writing an abstract so I could present at SICB this year.....but the deadline is Sept 5. Damn! Sept. 5th! I was planning on presenting the rest of my thesis results. That gives me less than two weeks to write an abstract, have it corrected, and sending it in. Why do I always procrastinate? Last year we were up to 2 a.m. putting my poster together the night before we were leaving for the meeting. Is this the way its supposed to work? Everyone I talk to is always working at the very last minute. Well....it seems like I am going to pull all nighters once again.

On Writing

My very first mention of any sort in an actual scientific paper!

The effects of resource availibility on alternative mating tactics in guppies.

Yea.....its at the very bottom.....

Anonymous

....avoiding writing my thesis....

I was thinking today of all the people who've had an impact in my life. Of course there's the major influential ones like: Dr. Larry Mink (the first scientist who actually saw some potential in me, and yes tried to convert me into a Chemist by actually setting up interviews with various professors), Dr. John Tate (first scientits who let me work in his lab...yes he was a Chemist, and yes it was due to Dr. Mink's influence), Dr. Greg Grether (first Biologist who saw potential in me and who inspired me through his enthusiasm for Biology), Dr. Gita Kolluru (the post doc in Grether's lab who really took time to talk to me about the field and guide me), Dr. Colleen Talbot (who introduced me to graduate life).

Then there are those people who don't even know they made a difference... yes...my friends of course who I have countlessly thanked and praised....but also the anonymous people like the man on the plane about three years ago. I was on my way to New Mexico and it was the first time I was flying since 9/11. As I buckled my seat belt I thought about the countless times I had done that with no imminent danger. I sat back in my seat and stared out the window. Soon the plane was ready for take off and I FREAKED OUT! I was crying and breathing way too loud, I'm sure. The business man sitting next to me asked if I was ok and I told him that I felt silly because I had done this countless times and had no reason to be so nervous. He was great. Talked to me about his job, asked me where I was going, kept my mind off the flying....and soon we landed. When we got off he made sure that I knew where I had to catch my connecting flight by walking me over to the gate before he left. I was so thankful! I think about him all the time. Sadly time has allowed me to forget what he looked like so if I ever wanted to thank him personally I wouldn't be able to. So instead I send good thoughts to him every day that I can and I hope that his life is filled with happiness.

The Jane Goodall Philosophy

So....another dead roach. It is my second week working with Gromphadorhina portentosa...yes the hissing Madagascar roaches...and I have managed to somehow exterminate two and lose one out of twelve that I needed to use for the experiment. Now, if these had been my frogs I would have been devasted but for some reason I have no attachment to these animals. Maybe if I gave them names....

When I first began working on tree frogs I used H. regilla to determine whether frogs had the ability to "taste". We dehydrated frogs to a certain level in order to ensure that re-hydration behaviors would be induced and then we offered the animal different types of solutes. It turns out that not only could the frogs discriminate between different concentrations of salts (therefore avoiding those substrates containing a high solute concentration and causing further dehydration) but also that they were able to discriminate between different types of salts (therefore avoding solutions containing low levels of solutes depending on the types of salts used). Without Limey, Oreo and Godzilla these results would not have been obtained. For my thesis project I had planned to continue naming my animals but it was suggested that it was not a good idea. I mean its not very scientific to say "Snoopy was very thirsty and showed water absorption response at 10% dehydration". And secondly, we don't want to give our experimental animals any human qualities.....but why not?

I was a field assistant one summer on a project focused on the response of translocation in black tailed prairie dogs. The week before I got there 200 animals were killed in the town which was built by the biologists due to a storm which caused a sudden flood. I was told that the individuals really did not matter in this type of field but only what happens to the overall population. So don't dwell on the 200 that died but on the ones that you might be able to save if your project is a success. I don't want to become that. If we are responsible for collecting animals for our experiments we are responsible for making sure that their lives are respected. Maybe we need to make them more human so that we remember that they are not just another test subject and that their bitting, fighting, hiding and running away are not just another inconvenience for us but instead a great deal of stress for them.

So I will individualize my roaches. I will give them each a name. I will observe them and determine each of their personalities so that when I do find another one dead, buried underneath the others, I will know who I have lost and what will be missing. Each individual does matter. Whether you're a physiologist or a conservation biologist.

Townson

Robert Townson began the study of osmoregulation in amphibians during the late 1700's. His work elucidated many of the well known facts we now know about amphibian water regulation such as: 1) cutaneous water absorption, 2) behavioral responses to decrease dehydration, 3) behavioral responses associated with re-hydration. In fact, his studies were so complex that they also focused on dehydration rates and differeces in water absorption behaviors between species. His work, for many years, has been highly ignored until a recent review by C. Barker Jorgensen, where several studies focused on osmoregulation were compiled, begining with Townson's work.

Since Townson many other great scientists have evolved sharing his interests in amphibian water regulation: Stanley Hillyard (whose work was the platform for my recent studies), Stanley Hillman, Vaughan Shoemaker, Ken Nagy, etc...all focused on the many aspects of osmoregulation in amphibians. Some mainly focusing on certain aspects of physiology affected by increased dehydration such as increased blood viscosity, increased blood pressure, and decreased blood circulation. Others view it from a larger perspective incorporating both physiological changes with behavioral responses.

Since frogs are biological indicators it is vital to understand the manner in which these organisms interact with their environment. Physiological ecology studies are therefore important as are those focusing on other aspects of the animals ecology/biology. Although entering this elite scientific group may be ardorous what is most important is not reaching their stature as a scientist but sharing scientific ideas and discoveries. Townson is where to start.

Misconcepcions

So today I went to one of the workshops set up by the AGEP program. We had a guest speaker (the dean of graduate studies) who spoke to us about graduate school and everything associated with it. Mainly he focused on his experience and how he had ended up as a PhD student. It was amazing to hear that someone of that stature had exactly the same doubts as I do. He said his main fear entering the program was that he wasn't going to measure up. He came from a small school and wasn't sure whether he was "good enough". It is my story!

He spoke about picking your mentor, you know...not to focus on personality, speak to other graduate students, make sure you know where his past students have gone....and then he said that you weren't really expected to know what you want to do, and that you should keep your mind open to other things. He said that when he went into grad school he knew he liked Physics..and that's about it. He landed in a lab by pure luck. Isn't this contradictory to what we go through when we apply to schools? I mean, when I was an undergrad I worked in a lab at UCLA and I distinctly remember telling them that I wanted to study something under the behavioral ecology umbrella...and their response to that was that this was too vague. I needed to pinpoint what I really wanted to do before I applied. So all of these years I have been struggling in deciding what it is I really want to study....but I am interested in everything. Apparently I was mislead. In fact I personally know an undergrad who didn't even want to go to grad school, but nonchalantly ended up applying to schools...since she didn't know what else she was going to do, and ended up attending Yale. She had NO CLUE what she wanted to study..or at least that's what I gathered. It just doesn't seem fair. I've been wanting to attend graduate school since I can remember, and here I am struggling everyday trying to feel like I deserve to be here...when all this time I have been working towards this. I guess I should be content with the fact that I am actually here.