At Last

(http://grad.bio.uci.edu/ecoevo/hcontrer)

Marvels of 210

Why do I have to sit by him today? I am not prepared. I leave for a minute waiting for things to begin. It gives him less time to focus in on me.

We start.

Stretch. Shift. Shake.

He looks bored. Like he has somewhere else to be. Something else on his mind and he just wants to leave. He looks around, distracted, and stays quiet. Why do I make him out to be more than he really is? It makes me think of the first time I made contact with him.

Sorry about this somewhat delayed response. We took the first year graduate students out to Catalina Island for a field course/retreat this weekend and I'm just trying to catch up with correspondence as a result of that. Thank you for your inquiry concerning graduate work at Irvine. I will be able to accommodate an additional graduate student in my laboratory next year and would be more than happy to consider your application for Ph.D. level study. Thank you again for your interest in my laboratory and in Irvine. I believe we have much to offer and would be pleased to talk with you about your research interests. Please let me know if I can provide more information or assistance. If you wish to talk by telephone, my work number is xxx-xxx-xxxx and my home number is xxx-xxx-xxxx.

He was the only one to offer his home number. He's not too scary. Maybe.

TA POWER!

I spent today grading 2 summaries. In between setting up an experiment, attending a grading workshop and lecture I have managed to look at 2 horrendous attempts at summarizing an article. It's not even that they tried and didn't understand but that they are insulting! Do they not know that I was also a student? Do they think that I can't read? I mean....I just graded their summaries last week....do they not know that I will notice if ALL OF THEIR PAPER IS PLAGARIZED! How insulting! How aggravating it is to spend hours looking at these papers, time spent away from things that you should be doing for your research or writing, just to find that they put no effort...that's right NO EFFORT...at all!

I think I'll fail them all. Except that I can't. I'm not allowed.

Oh yea...the power of the TA.

So I have realized that the only time I write about my life in this new graduate program is when I am feeling really frustrated and therefore end up talking about all the bad things that are happening, but I forget to mention what is so cool about being here. So I dedicate this entry to my new title "first year PhD student".

* The science library is as big as my old Biology building.

* I have the opportunity of using super,exciting, cool instruments for a possible project.

* I am encouraged to come up with some cool project (soon) so that I could play around.

* My classes are geared towards what I am ACTUALLY interested in studying instead of having to take whatever class is available so that I could graduate.

* I am actually learning how to become a better "teacher". We get a lot of training for the labs we have to teach.

* I have a great advisor who is interested in things that I am also interested in!

* The entire department is interested in things that I am intersted in!

* I am surrounded by really cool and smart people!

* The total amount of parties I've been to while out here is greater than all of the ones combined in the last 3 years!

* Did I say really cool people already?

* Cool clubs that I could potentially belong to...although highly unlikely since I don't have any time.

* Cool classes to take....although I have missed the deadline to apply....

* I live by the beach (sort of)

* There's like a million stores I could potentially go to.....although I might be broke after...

* I can definately dedicate my whole time to studying BIO!

Life is good as a graduate student....

Another reason to Hide

With my right hand on my forehead I walk while talking to myself. This place makes me anxious. Alone in the hall I contemplate the last conversation I had:

"It actually looked really good. I think you covered everything in great detail and your literature review is extensive. Your project sounds very interesting."

"Oh.....good. Thank you. I was worried that you would think it was stupid."

(Laugh)

"Yea, I was just thinking that I need to do something like this for what I'm writing and this is so clearly writen."

That was a good thing right? Why am I still shaking? I overanalyze things too much. Should I have said something else? Should I offer the use of my work? I have a headache. I need coffee.
I leave and come back and say......

"Well....I know that you are a much better writer than I probably ever will be..."

I see a small smile on his face which I can't interpret. Damn. I should have kept my mouth shut.

".......but if you want you can use my thing as a guide...or whatever....".

"Ok.....I will try not to plagarize".

(sigh) I SUCK! I don't know how to behave. I have a feeling that when I leave I will be bald, have heart problems and my face will twich.